I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
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