They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
