So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
i need some magic done to my vagina
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Nobody cheats on THIS.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
