the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I wish you could order shots online.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
