I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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