I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I've blown a few things in my day
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
