Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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