so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
