i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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