You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
