Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
