thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
