the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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