Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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