btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Randomize
