Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
