3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
