my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
