I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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