1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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