So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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