Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i think i have two assholes
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
