If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Sober January is a disaster.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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