It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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