So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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