i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
