And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
