Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
