I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
