Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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