it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
