Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
