So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
