Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
