My brain says no but my pants say off.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
