Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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