we're blogging at a bar
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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