dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
