just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
