just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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