Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
