I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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