just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
