Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
