Got a toothbrush?
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
