I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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