apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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