If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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