When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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