so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
