There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
