I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
